Pardon me?

Okay, here’s the deal. I conned the country into electing me, but I’m a crook, and the feds have got the goods and are looking to lock me up. You’re a plodding pol who could never get elected to this job. I know you want it. So I’ll resign, and then you’ll give me a full and unconditional pardon for anything and everything I’ve done. I’ll go build myself a big library and work on repairing my reputation. You’ll take some heat, but you’ll get to be president. But you’ll have to move fast — I figure I can hold them off for maybe three or four weeks.

Your reputation? Hey, no worries. We’ll call it “healing the nation.”