Where
Will George Strike Next?
(Cast your vote at
right)
Candidates include
1. Chile
No special reason, but when Papa was head of the CIA he overthrew the democratically elected government of Allende, ushering in the regime of Pinochet. Can George resist a challenge like that?
2. Cuba
Fidel is getting old, and the old ballplayer’s reflexes aren’t what they used to be. Does George need the Miami vote, or does Jeb have that under control?
3. Iran
The White House has claimed Iran is developing weapons of mass destruction. It also seems to think they may be Arabs (they’re not, they’re Persian). Hey, look, Iran is smack between Iraq and Afghanistan.
4. Saudi Arabia
Most of the 911 terrorists were from here. The Bushes and the Saudis go way back. Invade Saudia Arabia? I don’t think so. After all, it’s already a repressive regime.
5. Pakistan
Sikhs, Muslims, what’s the difference? Helzapoppin here. Have we already invaded?
6. Korea
You can’t have an axis of evil without an axis. Blob of evil, spot of evil—just doesn’t have the same ring. Besides, if we don’t expand our horizons it would look like a war on Islam, and that would just be wrong. Wouldn’t it?
7. Venezuela
It’s got oil, and President Chavez has been critical of George. Here’s a recent headline: “White House Urges Focus on Democracy in Venezuela.” If I were Chavez I would be very worried.
8. France
Ils sont tous des pedes, evidement. Ca serait simple, un petit coup d’etat la-bas.
9. San Francisco
Ils sont tous des pedes, evidement. Ca serait simple, un petit coup d’etat la-bas.
10. Other
Update: you can now enter your own candidate in the guestbook here.
Or you can e-mail me with more candidates. I will post some of the responses as they come in:
DC is already occupied or I'd have you put us on the list.
-- JackI suspect Massachusetts, on the pretext of of saving morality and stopping gay marriages. The side benefit is that he can then arrest Kerry as an "enemy combatant" and ship him to a torture-friendly foreign base.
-- Another JackTo the list I'd add a more general "Africa" and/or "South America" or "the human mind"
but I'm a bit paranoid.
-- JeremyCoup Kampuchea:
The U.S. Navy has received word that a certain nudie-bar-dancin',
C-student, cardboard-prop-up needs a coup to keep those election dollars
a'commin'. Embarrassingly, his heavy schedule ferreting out weapons of
mass destruction in some of the unlikeliest places on earth leaves him no
time for less important matters, such as the unconstitutionality of
banning same-sex marriages.
Were one of his junkets to coincide with, say, a U.S. Naval raid of a
tiny, decimated country such as Cambodia (which has, coincidentally, the
world's most beautiful beaches), the possibilities seem endless.
First, a number of admirals' bows would have to be removed from their
respective sterns so they could launch some serious air fire, just like
their dads did in Nam.
Our Commander-in-Chief (who still pronounces nuclear, "nucular") would
then be served a plentiful Pot of Pol, while given THE best seat for
viewing the air fire, coincidentally right in the middle of the flight
deck. Momentarily, a heavenly orange and green cloud appears over what
used to be Angor Wat. Phnom Penh rises a ghostly red and dusty gray.
POTUS asks for a brewski. Damn! This is ten times better than the fourth
of July!
Alas, as the first incoming bomber positions itself for landing, our
fearless leader chugs an ice cold gulp of $79.00-a-can Coors Lite, chows
down on some serious vittles, and waits to experience "Two! Two! Two
Coups in One!"
-- Cathryn
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